teluk intan... so sorry to u...

nowadays keep busy with some sort of assignment which as known as DSM assignment. it is an assignment that i do not know what to write and what to do. almost whole week reading about all those economy stuff feel like out of the tracks for the DSM [derivatives and securities market] assignment. have no idea how to do, so need to stay at subang to do it! it was shit! one year once i go back teluk intan, but i had miss the chance. feel so guilty because not fulfilling the responsible as a grandson to go back visit my grandparents. I am so hate to being irresponsible, really HATE! but who understand my feeling? go college, always i m the first one say hi to others but noone would say hi to me at first except for some friends. when others chat, the words they talk to me only is hi and bye nothing else. some even more selfish, always seek for me only need helps, if nothing then i m invisible. there are different of them, some are when i ask for their help (not always wei, you thought i m so likely to find u if i really no choice!? and i know u done, if don want help just tell la, i wont kill u or suicide wat!? don know what is called honest to friends? or i m not friend of anyone of you all also?) , they did help, help to advise me say: "sorry o.. i m also do not know how to do, i m haven done yet, perhaps u go ask teachers?". got another would be 'better' come ask me how was i doing say wanna help, but afterall when telling them what my problems they talk lot shit and then blame me do not understand and leave me (halo eh, if not willing to help don ask people either need help or not la, waste both of our time and it was really FAKE somemore, i tell u if i really cannt stand for it, i scare one day soon i will just tell u to %^*& off!). going school, some are very nice, but some are very bad, got also some in the middle who are really fake. am i doing something wrong? or i m too 'yang shuai' then u treat me like tat?

Don't anyone of you understand me? even for those i close with, do you think everyday i am so happy because i smile and joking always? do you know what problems i facing now? do you know what happen to me before? do you know what i feel most of time? why don't u all try to view thing base on others view but not ur own will? everyday, i am so sad, so stress, so lonely, feel so fake, doing all the thing i don like and so hatred to face those who i don like but need to smile at them pretending myself so happy, pretending i like u all. SORRY, I M ADMIT THAT I M SO FAKE ALSO! BUT WHAT TO DO, IF I AM NOT WHO ELSE WILLING TO FRIEND WITH ME! I M SO TIRED TO BEING OTHERS, WHAT I DID WRONG? IS THAT WHAT I OWES YOU ALL!???

TnT...

i really don want to hurts anyone, just i m really hide a lot in my heart. noone i trust and i duno how to say it out. i m trying to say some of it out here, if not i really will get crazy soon. why no one understand me? TnT........